If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
