Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
These tits shall not be calmed
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
