i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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