He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
