You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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