Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
