i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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