too bad you live with your parents still
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
