wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
