Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
