I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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