can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
