and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
