Sorry, I don't speak sober.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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