I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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