i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
