Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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