just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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