Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
