There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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