Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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