its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
