Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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