Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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