Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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