Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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