Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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