he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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