just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
