I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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