i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
