So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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