i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
