We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
sarcasm needs its own font
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
