and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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