he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
