I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
