there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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