watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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