anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
