Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
