Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
