Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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