Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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