ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
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I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
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I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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