whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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