So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
