So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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