Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
