Where did you get a picture of my penis
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
