it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
