Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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