I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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