I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
