so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
