he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Sober January is a disaster.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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