Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
