my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize