I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
