let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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