It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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