I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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