Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
