Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
