you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
