Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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