Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
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