That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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