I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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