my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
