it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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