my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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