He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
