Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
